Via @PsychToday @selenidotorg by #SarahBest
“It’s time to give yourself a break. After all, you deserve one,” suggests the author. Aren’t we all guilty of this?
Isn’t it strange that, at a time that we seem to have so much compassion for others, we do not have the patience to be kinder to ourselves? Sometimes I wonder if our upbringing had something to do with this behavior. Perhaps we think that by humiliating ourselves, by always belittling and judging every action, we would seem less arrogant and people would not feel threatened by us. Ms Best is right, though, we should be stop being so hard on ourselves. It is only by being less harsh critics of ourselves that we will be able to find true compassion for others.
Do you think you will have difficulty to change your behavior? Here are some tips on how to stop all that negative self-talk:
[Excerpt only. Read full article here.]
1. Listen to your self-talk. When a friend tells you that you look ”good”, do you think, “I do feel great!”or do you wonder if she’s implying you are fat/wearing too much make-up. The first step to changing how you view yourself is to listen to how you talk to yourself.
2. Evaluate its credibility. Once you’ve tuned in to your self-talk, explore it. Healthy self-talk is based in reality, but unhealthy self-talk distorts it. Unhealthy self-talk triggers real emotions with unrealistic, or irrational, statements. [Read more about irrational thought patterns here.]
3. Examine the evidence. Challenge unhelpful messages.
4. Generate an alternative hypothesis, based on the evidence you do have.
5. Construct a statement to correct the error. Identify the thinking error.
6. Pretend you’re talking to a self-critical friend, and offer words of encouragement to yourself.
[Above six points are discussed in greater detail here.]
We always say that everyone deserves a loving relationship; true, but the most precious loving relationship is the one you have with yourself. By practicing the techniques above, you will find yourself becoming less and less critical of every little thing you do. You will not constantly question the truth of other people’s comments in an effort to further bring yourself down. Accepting compliments from others will become easier and giving yourself some credit will become a habit.
This is not pride, this is self-compassion. Go ahead, try it, you deserve it.
Please click here to read the original article on PsychologyToday.com.